I’m angry with God. I didn’t realize it until yesterday morning driving to work.
Most mornings, I worship my way to work. My phone connected and my playlist on shuffle, my worship stylings extend from Sandra Crouch in the 80’s to 90’s Kirk Franklin to today’s Maverick City.
But yesterday a song came on and I immediately skipped because it was too painful to sing. It was at that moment I realized I was angry with God. I don’t know if angry is the right word. Disappointed may be a better word.
In any case, I have lost hope.
The weird thing was, I kept worshipping. Even though my thoughts were accusing God, my lips were praising Him. My thoughts lamented my woes, my song praised His faithfulness.
Was my worship disingenuous? A lie? Habit?
No, I think my worship was faith. It was what one of my favorite Gospel songs call a “Yet Praise.”
In confusion, yet praise. In pain, yet praise. Disappointed, yet praise. Frustrated, yet praise. Doubting, yet praise. Fearful, yet praise.
You see boys and girls, God is not phased by our questions, our doubts, or our temper tantrums. He is not offended when we doubt His goodness. Like a good Father, He holds us tightly, kisses our boo boos, forgives us, and reminds us who we are.
And that is exactly what He did for me yesterday on my way to work. He spoke to me through a prophetic song by Israel Houghton:
🎶 God almighty, you spoke the world into existence.
You said let there be and it was…
It would seem to me, you are too busy for me.
Maybe someone feel they are disqualified
But the God of the 2nd chance, the God of the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and the 29th chance
Is here right now.
Do you hear Him calling you, “Come closer. Come closer, friend of mine.
Sit with me awhile. It’s all right.
Not only did I call you out of darkness, but I’ve called you into joy and marvelous light.
Not only do I call you to worship, but I call you friend.
I have so many things to show you. I have so many things to do through you.
Please don’t turn away. Come closer. Draw nigh unto me.
I’ll set you free.
I’ll heal you totally, completely.” 🎶
This word reminded me, I am His daughter, loved, and accepted. Yes, I’m still disappointed and confused, but I’m trusting. I have hope.
“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.”
Psalms 42:11 NKJV