About a year ago, something happened that caused me to question my calling, question my motives, and generally caused me to loose confidence in my ability to speak. In retrospect, I know it was an attempt by the enemy to shut me up. But nevertheless, in the moment, it was hurtful.
As I look back over the past year, I see how God used that wound to strengthen me, teach me, and remove some unhealthy thought patterns hiding within my heart.
But is was difficult. It was a long process of giving my hurt to God, daily. It was resisting the temptation to avenge myself and trusting God to avenge me, which He did, beautifully.
A year later, I am spiritually stronger and emotionally healthier. Yet there is still a residue of the hurt. You see, the hurt radically shook my confidence. Now, each time, I am asked to speak, I have to overcome the fear of not being good enough, the fear of being a disappointment. I wonder if this is my thorn in the side.
Each time I speak, God reminds me it is not a performance. I am not trying to earn His favor. I am simply dancing with my Dad, who already accepts me. Already approves of me.
If you struggle with confidence, allow me to share the words of this song by Travis Greene. God continually reminds of this truth when fear tries to paralyze me before I speak:
🎶 You don’t need me a stage to love me
No matter the place Your heart will be true
And when I’m afraid that I am not good enough,
I will keep my eyes on You
In spite of mistakes, You want me
Rid me of shame and give me Your truth
When I’m afraid that I am not good enough and I don’t know what to do
Truth is I don’t have to perform for You 🎶
I am first and foremost His daughter! I can’t screw that up. Others may reject me. Others may not like me or my style. Others may question my motives. But He always accepts me.
So brothers and sisters, go be who God called you to be, Sons and Daughters.
Pray for the sick,
Give an encouraging word,
Make a joyful noise,
With no thought if you are acceptable to others. You are accepted and approved by the God of the Universe, aka, Dad. Don’t allow the enemy to silence you!
“But he answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.” So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 TPT